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It was dim, but without much activity where her car was on the second floor. I desperately wanted to get her to agree not to tell anyone about this, and was prepared to grovel if need be. But I didn’t want to appear too desperate, so instead the first thing I said when the car doors were closed was, “I know it’s not for real, Mrs Hotter. What’s in these mags, like. I just…”To my surprise Mrs Hotter smiled at me, saying calmly, “Well we won’t know what’s real and what’s not until we’ve taken a look, will we?”Stunned, I merely unzipped my jacket and let Mrs Hotter take the paper bag from me. Still calm, she slid one of the magazines out, opening it at random.I hadn’t been aware up until that point that an arcane system of censorship was in operation. Apparently it was OK for females to display everything they had to display, but the moment the male member came into contact with any orifice, an abstract blob obscured the point of contact. Quite what this was supposed to achieve I didn’t. She lit up one of her cheap Mexican cancer sticks, Delicados, I think they're called, and soon the room was reeking of acrid cigarette smoke and stale farts.She had thrown herself together a sloppy sandwich from the last of my good deli pastrami and managed to slobber imported mustard and barbecue potato chip crumbs all over herself and the chair. I'm proud of that chair. Cost me $15 at Goodwill. The last straw was when she reached for the drapes to wipe her hands clean. "Dammit, woman, getcher filthy paws offa my Muppets curtains!" I threw open the hall doorway, propelled her through it, and hurled her backpack, shitkicker boots, leather pants and motorcycle jacket in the general direction of her retreating ass.I guess that just wasn't destined to work out, but at least I had a good story to tell my buddies on the train to work. ================================================================== James Jingleheimer, who sent this letter on, saw a nickle lying in the street. When.
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